20 Simple Ways To Keep The Spark In Your Marriage After Childbirth

20 Simple Ways To Keep The Spark In Your Marriage After Childbirth

Navigating New Parenthood: Keeping the Marriage Spark Alive

The arrival of a baby is most often considered a joyful thing in a couple’s life, a beautiful addition to the new family.

But life often makes multiple adjustments with this new addition which may be slightly or sometimes greatly different from our initial plans as potential parents. This is because, amidst the sleepless nights that you now have to start getting used to, the multiple diaper changes, and the baby’s scheduled and unscheduled feeding times, many couples find themselves grappling with the challenge of maintaining the spark in their relationship.

Read Also: 15 Ways to show your wife that you still love and care about her

If you are a newlywed couple with almost zero parenting experience, these adjustments can have you looking back at the memories of when it was just you and your partner before this third member crept in making you wish you enjoyed it a bit longer.

Of course, children are a wonderful blessing if you are lucky to have them but your attention, time, money and other resources are required to nurture them.

So, now that a child or even children are involved, should that be the end of fun in your marriage? How do you maintain the balance and keep that spark alive in your marriage now that a child is involved?

Below are some simple ways to keep the spark alive in your marriage after childbirth.

Twenty ways to keep the spark alive in your marriage

  1. Keep Open Communication Alive: With childbirth, you are entering a new aspect of your life that does not necessarily have to be difficult if you learn to talk about it. It is therefore very important to not limit the channels of communication because of personal challenges especially when you begin to feel that your significant other is doing less to keep things going well. Create avenues for open and effective communications. It is, however, important to avoid nagging and bitterness as often as possible in your conversations to keep the spark alive in your marriage.
  2. Prioritize Quality Time Together: Your regular activities even before childbirth may already be hectic enough and with one or more children now, the little moments you share with each other as couples get shared with the little ones as well. This means that if you do not prioritize some quality time for yourselves together, you may soon lose the spark in your marriage. Sit down with your partner and plan fun times, some for just the two of you and some for the whole family.
  3. Take Care of Yourself: You do not want to add to the responsibilities of your partner by making yourself another burden. It is important that as you take care of your family, you take care of yourself too for your family. Make your health a priority and stay alive for your children by doing regular checkups and encouraging your partner to do the same.
  4. It is Not a Competition: Taking care of your children should not be seen as a competition with your partner if you want peace to exist. Sometimes your partner may appear to be doing so much more or otherwise for the family than you are giving. With love, you can encourage them to level up or do more without making them feel they are competing with you. This is why the next step is important.
  5. Share Parenting Responsibilities: So that you do not feel cheated in your marriage, and depending on the circumstances, you may have initial discussions on how responsibilities will be shared before childbirth. Make adequate plans on who handles what. You may skip some non-essential duties for when the child arrives but important ones like who pays what bills must be discussed. Doing this will reduce lots of potential future arguments and keep the marriage flourishing.
  6. Express Appreciation: Recognising every effort of your partner and expressing sincere appreciation will most likely encourage them to do more. You should use words like ‘Thanks love’, ‘This is so lovely’ more often if you want more from where that came from.
  7. Be More Affectionate: Whatever the challenges you are facing as a new parent are, your partner is probably experiencing the same or even more. Some people just know how to manage pain more than others, but it does not mean they do not feel it either. So, apart from showing appreciation for the efforts they show, it is often important to show affection too. Showing affection helps you maintain an emotional connection with your partner, reducing stress for both of you and encouraging intimacy.
  8. Leave Your Comfort Zone: Keeping the spark in your marriage after childbirth requires deliberate efforts. Being new parents comes with new responsibilities as well. Your sleeping pattern will change, your management of time will have to improve and you will have to make financial and emotional adjustments too. You must remind yourself regularly of your goals and ambitions in your marriage and take positive steps forward regularly.
  9. Put Effort in Your Appearance: Remember how you would always want to look good for your partner before you got married? How you would apply those make-ups and wear nice cologne to smell nice? Childbirth should not stop you from being in your best appearance for your husband or wife. Invest in your appearance to make your partner feel good especially when going out together for an event or in the presence of friends or families.
  10. Do Not be a Bitter Partner: Because you are new to parenting, you may often experience a range of emotions including happiness and fulfilment, but with the joy you get, there will also be moments of stress and anxiety. A lot of things can make you unhappy after childbirth but you must not dwell too much on bitterness if you want to maintain the spark in your marriage.
  11. Stay Intimate: The everyday activities to put food on the table and provide for the basic needs of the family can often reduce intimacy between partners. But no matter how busy you are, you must endeavour to maintain intimacy. This rekindles romance and greatly preserves your couple’s identity so that irrespective of the varying challenges of parenting, you are still a strong team.
  12. Support Each Other’s Hobbies: The goal is to have a satisfying marriage and to achieve this, you should endeavour to also make each other happy. One way to do this is by showing support when your partner is doing what makes them truly happy in their leisure and fun times. Whether they are playing a sport or watching their favourite show, do not just stay far off like it is none of your business. You may not do this all of the time but let them know you are there and in support.
  13. Be Flexible: Children’s behaviours can mostly be unpredictable and so will your responsibilities. New roles, health changes, parenting styles, and your child’s developmental stages will require you to be flexible in other to encourage a positive and adaptive family environment.
  14. Ask For Help: Don’t be too proud to ask for help. It does not make you weak when you do. Having the courage to ask for help is a sign of strength and you will be surprised to know some genuine people are willing to help you. Even when it seems like you are not getting enough help when you expect it, you must be patient and open to suggestions from others. You may also need to seek professional help at some point if you feel the need to, don’t fight it.
  15. Work on Your Sense Of Humour: Stress can be a major contributor to the declining state of intimacy with your partner. But nothing a good laugh can’t improve. Work on your sense of humour, laugh together, laugh at his jokes or hers. This will help keep the spark in your marriage. Don’t be in the habit of taking everything too seriously even when they just meant for it to be a light joke.
  16. Make Future Plans Together: Making plans together for the future encourages unity and a sense of purpose in marriage. If you had done this in the past before childbirth, you should not stop doing it even after. It also encourages open communication and builds trust and bonds. You will be able to anticipate any potential challenges together and knowing that you are both on the same page removes fears and doubts.
  17. Explore New Things Together: You can nurture a fun and satisfying marriage with your partner if you test new things in new areas together. While doing this you build up shared experience without even working too hard for it. Exploring new territories together helps make communications better too. You could travel together, for example, attend functions together, and enrol in a new language class together. All these can help discover common interests and stimulate growth.
  18. Go to Bed Together: Some couples may choose to have separate rooms after marriage or childbirth. This could be because generally, women have more stuff to keep like beauty or baby products or could simply be a way of respecting boundaries. However, going to bed together can greatly help improve intimacy and subsequently help keep the spark in your marriage.
  19. Eat Together: Just like going to bed together, sharing the same plate of food could be fun. You do not have to always sit at different sides of the dining table.
  20. Take Things Slow: Sometimes, the pressure we feel in our relationship might be because we are moving too fast than the natural order of things. Learn to trust your partner and enjoy the journey. You would be able to reduce the pressure you feel, allowing your marriage to grow more organically.


To round things up, building and maintaining the spark in your relationship or marriage is an ongoing effort. You might face a couple of challenges but you must you must also learn to respect the process of organic growth.

So, by placing emphasis on some important aspects of the marriage like open communication, celebrating each other’s achievements and learning to enjoy one another’s company, you and your partner can build a marriage that thrives in whatever situation subsequently keeping the spark alive.

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